Grief is like being thrown into an unforgiving ocean. It's endless and dark. Waves ebbing and drown me.
I’m having a hard time keeping my head above the water, trying to catch a breath because my heart is deeply crushed.
All I can do is trying to stay afloat and alive, and it's exhausting. Most of the time, I just want to give up and drown, to end the pain and exhaustion, because the waves never stop.
But when helps are available, like a life-jacket or a rescue ship, I don’t want to reach them, because I don’t want to lose the grief, because it’s my last connection with him.
I withdraw myself, because I feel like I become a burden to the people who love and care for me.
I lost my biggest attachment figure. The person who calms me, who makes me function better, psychologically, physiologically, physically, has gone.
Depression. Anger. Guilt. Remorse. Bitterness. Relief. Sadness. All those feelings in one day. Every day.
It’s overwhelming. It’s exhausting.
My old self is gone the moment he was gone. I no longer recognise myself.
I try to face it one day at a time. But every second feels like an eternity. And above all, I miss him 💔
I need to keep reminding myself that the will to live is important for me to make sure his legacy lives on.
All that we worked for before must not be in vain.
He was loved by so many and hope will still be.