i was first diagnosed with depression when i was 12. i didn’t go on medication until i was 30. i spent those years in between trying to manage something that came down to a chemical imbalance. the kicker? realizing no one else was going to save me. (dramatic, i know, i’m a 4) but seriously. i know medication is not the answer for everyone + it wasn’t the whole answer for me either. but it was a beginning, and it moved my baseline up SIGNIFICANTLY + fast. that lasted for about a year. when i started to experience some tough things this year, anxiety hit me harder than ever. mental illness really sucks. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ so here is my guide for FEELING BETTER fast… i don’t always do this well, but i like life so much better when i do. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ • GO SEE A THERAPIST. there are options here- people who work on sliding scales of payment, free resources through schools, even an app you can get to have access at your fingertips. don’t let stuff stand in the way of this. • • GET OUTSIDE. i get it. i can out-recluse you, i promise. the world is scary + sometimes getting ready is harder than climbing mountains. but fresh air + seeing the sky helps. • • MOVE. find something you like. kickboxing? great. 10k steps everyday? awesome. 10 push-ups? do it. • • NOURISH. eat + drink to support wellness. we all know this. just do it for a week + see how you feel. (telling myself) • • MAKE THINGS. use your hands. get dirty. paint, sculpt, write, bake or garden. i don’t care. create something. it changes you. • • DITCH SOCIAL. you know what sucks? envy. seeing happy people with friends when you are lonely. seeing beautiful homes when you don’t have one. work that is better than yours. comparison in general- we don’t need it. life is hard. i’ll bet it doesn’t look the way you thought it would. same. we’re stuck with ourselves forever so we might as well take care of ourselves. 💗 what do you do to feel better? 📷: @heydoza #worldmentalhealthday

what is one thing you are NOT especially good at, but really love? ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ i’ll start— this year i have really loved capturing video of the small and special moments of my life and editing them on my phone. it’s been a great creative distraction from IG, and since it’s not something i “should” be good at, i feel free to just make things again. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ share yours! it might inspire someone else to get out there and invest in the things they enjoy, or even try something new!

trying to remember: hold it all loosely with open hands and an open heart. life is an ebb and flow, sometimes we get it and sometimes we don’t. and while i wish we got to choose how and when and why each season unfolds, i believe it all belongs. and i trust it makes some kind of sense somewhere out in the fields beyond our understanding. hopefully these seasons are all beautiful chapters that don’t have titles yet, just like bob goff says.

it’s sunday! make the most of today— rest, reflect, reset, refuel, prepare for the upcoming week. how do you take care of yourself? ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ today, this means cleaning out my closet and getting rid of SO MUCH SHIT with a face mask on. 😳😂 what do they say...? anything that is not useful or does not bring you joy— it’s gone. 😬 🙋🏽‍♀️🙋🏽‍♀️🙋🏽‍♀️ goodbye jeans i spent way too much on eight years ago and keep hoping will fit better one day even though they are super low rise and i don’t even like them anymore. 🙋🏽‍♀️ goodbye random junk mail that ended up in a box under my bed. 🙋🏽‍♀️ goodbye books that keep shaming me for never reading them. 🙋🏽‍♀️ goodbye birchbox samples i can’t seem to throw away. 🙋🏽‍♀️ goodbye goodbye goodbye. shedding all the extra. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ NOW, who has got some new music or podcast recommendations that will get me through the day??

if i could give you one life hack... good therapy would be it. there is WAY too much stigma around counseling when really, it's just a way of seeking wisdom and understanding. it’ll give you new tools to completely transform the way you process, communicate, relate, and live. i believe every person on this planet can benefit from diving into their own story and processing with a professional. i'm not shy about my experience and am quick to suggest it. it doesn't need to be a big deal. therapy is one of the best ways i invest in myself. it's hard to articulate all that it has given me. i've learned so, so much. anyway, if you were waiting for a sign, let this be it. don't be discouraged if you don't know where to start or don't find fireworks with the first person you meet. i met with 3 counselors before finding "the one." ask around, see if anyone has a therapist they love. try em out, set up an introductory call. therapy can be expensive, but don't let that stop you... YOU are worth it. health insurance might make it more affordable and many therapists will even work with you on a sliding scale if you ask. there is no appropriate price tag on healing and emotional health; we are stuck with ourselves for the rest of our lives and putting money towards making peace with the person in the mirror will never be a waste. LAST THING! if you have had a positive experience with therapy and want to join me in encouraging others, please join the comments! raise your hands in solidarity 🙌🏽, share a story, or suggest an awesome therapist in your city! if you're looking for an awesome therapist in your town, ASK! please, please don't be shy- this is important. your words and experience might be someone else's tipping point. 💗 #worldmentalhealthday

so do it, decide. is this the life you want to live? is this the person you want to love? is this the best you can be? can you be kinder? stronger? more compassionate? decide. breathe in, breathe out and decide. -meredith grey ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ we get to make the decisions here.

it’s not comfortable, but it works. here’s to growth! 🌿

slowly but surely, we are finding our way. (background added to my highlights) taken in sayulita, mexico, august 2018

we were in portland. it was dreary and overcast, and i was the kind of exhausted that only happens after a couple years of lying to yourself. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ but this was where i came clean. i set up the self-timer and took this photo because i knew the moment would be poignant later in my life. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ for years, i only viewed this through the lens of “sad” but now, nearly ten years later, i see “strength.” i see a young woman desperately committed to finding her way out of a life that was killing her. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ if i could go back and tell her what i know now... well, honestly, i wouldn’t say all that much. it has been harder and sadder, more vibrant, more beautiful... and requiring way more resilience than i would’ve been brave enough for back then. it was better i didn’t know. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ but what i would say is that i believe in her, and that she needs these chapters— the hard and heartbreaking ones— more than she could ever know. and that she can do it- she possesses more tenacity and grit, resilience and strength than she’ll ever realize. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ i can’t even begin to summarize all the adventures and life she has seen since this moment... i laugh, it’s impossible. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ but it felt impossible back then. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ and that’s what i hold tight when the road isn’t clear, when i don’t know what’s up around the bend. there’s more available out there than we can ask for or imagine, we really will be okay. what advice would you give your 23 year old self? and if you’re 23(ish), what are you wondering about the world? #thingsihadnowordsfor

🕵🏽‍♀️make room for delight. -taken in a paris bookshop, against the rules, june 2018 🤷🏽‍♀️📚